He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You took a bar mat shot.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
