drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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