This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize