he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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