Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
