Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
