i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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