She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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