i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize