Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
