You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
