And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
