Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
