Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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