I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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