she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
