girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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