What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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