It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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