I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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