I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
