I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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