Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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