I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize