I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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