So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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