A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
