his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
