im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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