Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
