batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
