Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i came on her dog
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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