i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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