Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
