I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize