Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
