did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
