The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
