you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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