I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I need water and some morals
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
