I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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