the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
