It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
