i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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