As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
