There was a lot of him and a little penis
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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