Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
