What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
