Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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