3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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