it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
