OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
