this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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