You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
