um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
