This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
