Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
