We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize