He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
