That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
