i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
