Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
