she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
