I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
