I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
