i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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