remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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