how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
