Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
