I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
