That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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