since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
