Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize