my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
