Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
a search helicopter?!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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