I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
